A little while ago, Kayli asked if I would like to write a guest blog post on what it’s like to be the best friend of someone with a chronic and terminal illness, specifically cancer. Being Kayli’s best friend has been the hardest and most wonderful privilege I’ve ever had. Honestly. Knowing Kayli is one of the things I am most thankful for in this world. But knowing her and seeing her go through these times of sickness and uncertainty has been one of the hardest things, too. This sounds somewhat cliché, but if I had to go back and choose to do it all again, to be her best friend through so much, I would absolutely choose her as my kindred spirit every single time.
Due to being at college, I don’t see everything her mom sees (whose blog post you can read), but I do see some of that when I’m able to come home for weekends and on break. I usually see her at home or in the hospital, although recently it’s been only in the hospital. I know that for as much as she loves and appreciates her nurses, she wants to be at home with her family and Baxter. I treasure every opportunity I’m able to see her, but I miss the days when we used to hang out at her house, eating ice cream and binge-watching Psych or some other TV show while snuggling with Baxter. I see her level of sheer exhaustion, but her determined effort to stay awake during my visit. She would hate to have slept through an opportunity to see and talk to someone she loves and makes an effort every single time, although her pain is always strongly present and each visit wears her out. I used to see her sit up and prop herself up in her bed, but now I see her grimace in pain as she tries to scoot herself up on the pillow and as nurses have to help her sit up.
I see how she makes the most of her time: not worrying about drama or those that would like to cause drama, but loving and spending time with those who have stuck with her, who will always be there for her. I see how it hurts her when people she used to be close to, use to rely and count on, pull away. I’ve seen how it hurts her when I have been that person who pulls away. But I’ve seen her forgive and love and cherish people like no one else I know. She truly makes every minute count. She loves fiercely and fully, not holding anything back.
We talk and laugh at each visit, remembering all the crazy fun stories and adventures we’ve had over the last decade or so. She always asks about my life and prays for me when I’m struggling with something. She is Kayli as I’ve always known her. Though her body has been weakened greatly, she is still the same person she always was. In fact, all of the wonderful things about her have been strengthened by what she’s been through: grace-giving, loving, thoughtful, selflessness. We’ve had some sobering talks about the future, but have always come back to the theme of kindred spirits, a phrase we’ve borrowed from the Anne of Green Gables books. She is in every way, shape, and form, my one and only kindred spirit. Nothing will ever change or take that away. I love her as if she were my own sister (and she in many ways is), so even just thinking about something happening to her brings me nearly to tears. Sometimes it’s hard to entrust something/someone you love so much into the hands of God, because while He will always do what’s best, He may not do what you want. But I’m reassured that above anything that I could have planned for Kayli, He has a plan that is perfect, good, and for her good. Some days it’s hard to think that, but most days, it is a truth that I cling to and depend on.
Kayli, thank you for being my best friend and my kindred spirit all these years. You are truly the epitome of a “Diana Barry” type character – loyal and loving and kind – a perfect contrast to my stubborn “Anne Shirley” self. I love you more than I can say and I am so thankful that God made us best friends. You have been the steady and faithful in a life of change and uncertainty. Thank you for all that you have invested in my life. I am a better person today because of the influence that you have had on me. It has been such a privilege to do life beside you for all these years and for the years to come, for “True friends are always together in spirit”. I love you!
Due to being at college, I don’t see everything her mom sees (whose blog post you can read), but I do see some of that when I’m able to come home for weekends and on break. I usually see her at home or in the hospital, although recently it’s been only in the hospital. I know that for as much as she loves and appreciates her nurses, she wants to be at home with her family and Baxter. I treasure every opportunity I’m able to see her, but I miss the days when we used to hang out at her house, eating ice cream and binge-watching Psych or some other TV show while snuggling with Baxter. I see her level of sheer exhaustion, but her determined effort to stay awake during my visit. She would hate to have slept through an opportunity to see and talk to someone she loves and makes an effort every single time, although her pain is always strongly present and each visit wears her out. I used to see her sit up and prop herself up in her bed, but now I see her grimace in pain as she tries to scoot herself up on the pillow and as nurses have to help her sit up.
I see how she makes the most of her time: not worrying about drama or those that would like to cause drama, but loving and spending time with those who have stuck with her, who will always be there for her. I see how it hurts her when people she used to be close to, use to rely and count on, pull away. I’ve seen how it hurts her when I have been that person who pulls away. But I’ve seen her forgive and love and cherish people like no one else I know. She truly makes every minute count. She loves fiercely and fully, not holding anything back.
We talk and laugh at each visit, remembering all the crazy fun stories and adventures we’ve had over the last decade or so. She always asks about my life and prays for me when I’m struggling with something. She is Kayli as I’ve always known her. Though her body has been weakened greatly, she is still the same person she always was. In fact, all of the wonderful things about her have been strengthened by what she’s been through: grace-giving, loving, thoughtful, selflessness. We’ve had some sobering talks about the future, but have always come back to the theme of kindred spirits, a phrase we’ve borrowed from the Anne of Green Gables books. She is in every way, shape, and form, my one and only kindred spirit. Nothing will ever change or take that away. I love her as if she were my own sister (and she in many ways is), so even just thinking about something happening to her brings me nearly to tears. Sometimes it’s hard to entrust something/someone you love so much into the hands of God, because while He will always do what’s best, He may not do what you want. But I’m reassured that above anything that I could have planned for Kayli, He has a plan that is perfect, good, and for her good. Some days it’s hard to think that, but most days, it is a truth that I cling to and depend on.
Kayli, thank you for being my best friend and my kindred spirit all these years. You are truly the epitome of a “Diana Barry” type character – loyal and loving and kind – a perfect contrast to my stubborn “Anne Shirley” self. I love you more than I can say and I am so thankful that God made us best friends. You have been the steady and faithful in a life of change and uncertainty. Thank you for all that you have invested in my life. I am a better person today because of the influence that you have had on me. It has been such a privilege to do life beside you for all these years and for the years to come, for “True friends are always together in spirit”. I love you!