Greetings to you all from Northeast Ohio. Spring is slow in springing this year...we will probably jump right into the heat of summer from the damp, chilly days we are having now. Ohio keeps you on your toes as you never know what to expect day to day. Life is much the same really. Each day looks a little different and can change by the minute. I thought I would take some time to update you all on how we have been doing since Kayli left us to be with her Savior. It has been hard. Period. We have always been a close family and always will be. One of our members isn't here with us anymore...and it hurts. It is hard to describe to you what the separation feels like unless you have experienced it for yourself. For those of you who have walked this mile we are on...my heart aches for you and the deep loss you will always feel. I am so very sorry for the grief that you experience by burying your child. It is a pain of the heart like no other. For those of you who haven't experienced it...I hope that you never do. I will try to help you understand a little better what it may feel like, yet you can't possibly know the weight of it without it happening to you. It feels like a thousand little things that you want so very much, yet you can't have. It feels like standing on your tippy toes to reach that item in the cupboard that you absolutely have to have, yet it is always out of your reach. It feels like the end of a brilliant story line where you are expecting the "happily ever after" and then the plot twists leaving you feeling broken and wanting it to change. It feels like nearing the end of a puzzle and finding that one of the central pieces is missing and will never be recovered...it just will never look right without it. It feels like a balloon that once was inflated and full of air with a slow leak now and you just can't locate the hole, but you know it is there. It feels. Grief is such a difficult season to go through. The pain is so real and invisible at the same time. You can't put a band aid on it, take medicine to cure it( although some try to dull the pain with it), you can't make it go away on a certain timetable, and you never know when it is going to surface and make that moment difficult for you and those around you. A friend of ours pointed out that we are sort of the "elephant in the room". It's true and we know it. Grief and sadness make people uncomfortable. They want to say or do something so that you don't hurt. They maybe avoid you for fear of either saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to say at all. Grief is pain and it is hard to watch people you love suffer. We know. We have watched one of our most precious gifts suffer and die. It hurts and it isn't fun. But, it is necessary to go through the pain when you love someone. It is alright for us to hurt right now. Don't be afraid to approach us. You won't make us sad...we already are. Will it always feel like this? Probably not. Will it always hurt? To some degree...yes. The grief will change as time goes by. Right now it is fresh and raw and our hearts and minds are learning what our day to day looks like without Kayli here. Some days are laughter and silly remembrances and others are just longing for the old normal. Some day a scab will form and then a scar. We will never not think about our daughter. We will never not be sad that we didn't get to walk through more of this life with her. She is forever a part of us. However, this isn't all there is. We know that this separation is only temporary and because Christ paid the price for our sin on the cross, we have the promise of eternity together in Heaven. This makes all the difference. It doesn't mean that we are without hope right now because we mourn for our loss. Quite the opposite. Think about your children, your loved one...that person in your life who means so much to you. What if God decided that today was there last day? He holds the number of all our days. You didn't get the the choice for them to stay or go...it is totally out of your hands. Would you not be anguished that you could no longer see them, touch them, talk, text or just see them at your convenience?? It could be a reality for you. It is for so many people including our family. People don't belong to other people. They are a gift to us by a loving God. I was reminded recently of what our response should be when we receive a gift. You don't just take the present and go on your merry way (at least you shouldn't). No, you should take the gift, open it and thank the gifter for giving it just to you. Thanksgiving. I am so thankful to God for the gift of my loved ones. I am especially thankful that He made me a Mom to 4 amazing kids and gave me a wonderful husband of almost 25 years. Do I own them? I sort of feel like I do, yet I know deep down that I don't. They are on loan to me and I need to appreciate and love on them while they are with me. By doing this, I am thanking the Gifter everyday. I am thankful even now, during my tears, for the 2 children that have gone home to Heaven ahead of me. Joshua was with me for 20 minutes and Kayli for 21 years. My life was changed and blessed because of their short lives. I will never be the same and God knew that I needed them specifically to teach me things that I couldn't learn any other way. I choose to see that blessing as my heart aches. I still have Caleb and Luke here with me. I am so thankful to be able to pour into their lives and leave my mark on their hearts. You will leave a mark on the people He has entrusted to you. If it isn't what you want it to be....make those changes now and don't squander the days. God is good and makes no mistakes. I know where all my children are. Kayli and Joshua aren't "lost"...they have relocated for now. I (and Michael and the boys) all have this great hope by making Christ Lord of our life and our Savior. Heaven isn't some prize that everyone automatically receives at the end of their life. You have to make a choice to receive it. No amount of good works, dollars in your bank account, being a good person, etc...will change God's plan for those who receive Heaven when they die. He has made the way now. You choose it now. You don't know when that time will come for you. Kayli had the benefit of knowing that her death was approaching...many do not. She was ready...are you? I am attaching the link to a song that represents Kayli's life and our family's faith so very well. We thank you all for your continued prayers for our family during these days. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TKAN-nAsu8
If you are wondering, "How can I have this kind of faith?" We would love to hear from you. You can message us on here, facebook or email. I am attaching the link to Kayli's final video so she can tell you herself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGyCR5hHAa8&index=3&list=PLnq_Owq85c8Jm-0WXAkPeHe1EjwhrKIwc
If you are wondering, "How can I have this kind of faith?" We would love to hear from you. You can message us on here, facebook or email. I am attaching the link to Kayli's final video so she can tell you herself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGyCR5hHAa8&index=3&list=PLnq_Owq85c8Jm-0WXAkPeHe1EjwhrKIwc