Tomorrow marks one year since we prayed and sang our beautiful daughter into Heaven. One year since we have looked into her eyes, seen her smile, held her hand or inhaled deeply of the sweet smell that was our only daughter, Kayli. It seems like the longest year of our lives and a year stuck on fast forward all at the same time. We certainly aren't the same people that we were this time last year. Sure, many things are the same and still identify us as us, but there has been a stretching, a growing, a chiseling of our character that began when Kayli left us. Kayli prepared us for her dying. She took care of so many of the details that would arise shortly after her death. From her services to her things...she decided how it would all go. She even talked with us about what our life would look like after she went to Heaven. She didn't want us to cry for her or to stop living life. She wanted us to continue to love big and serve God together. She wanted us to not squander our days or focus on the "dumb stuff of this world" as she called it. In all of this, she poured out love on her family. She always wanted us to feel the depth of love that she had for each one of us. We still feel it. The videos that she made for each of us are beyond monetary value. The words she offers us- to encourage us on those days when you feel the world pressing in-are our way of seeing and hearing her now. I am so thankful to live in a day and age that we have the technology to make this available to us.
So, in saying all of this there is something that Kayli could have never prepared us for...how to live without her. There is no way she could have. A giant hole entered our world one year ago and we have spent this time learning how to live with it there. We don't like the hole. We didn't choose the hole. There is nothing we can do to fill the hole in or make it go away. It is a hole. A permanent amputation to our family that we will feel until we join Kayli. We have chosen to navigate the hole in our life instead of tiptoe around it, put a fence up to keep out of it or just cover it over with useless stuff and pretend it isn't there. Some days the edges are jagged and sharp and the pit is messy to go through. Some days the perimeter is smooth and shallow and easy to get across. But, at the end of every single day is the gap where something is missing in our family....Kayli. In choosing to go through it everyday, we have learned so very much. God has used this for our good just like He promised He would. We have learned the value of a day. No schedule, no super important stuff of the day can ever replace the people that God brought you to be your family. Put down the phone. Turn off the TV or music and be emotionally present with the people in your life. Don't wait for a more convenient time to do it...now is the perfect time. Second, we have learned that everyone is hurting in some capacity. We all have mountains and sorrows. Invest in other people. You cannot take anything to Heaven with you except for people. Take the time to be that listening ear for someone else. Be that person that gives from your resources; not from your excess. Your time is the most valuable commodity there is. Give it freely. If you are too busy to be a friend...you are too busy. Thirdly, we have learned that this life is not about us. Our life is a reflection of what we are living for. Some people strive for large bank accounts and all the latest stuff. Some strive to be the best at a sport or to perform in front of thousands. Others strive to just get by. We strive to be a reflection of Jesus to this world. He created it. He owns it. He manages it and we are His. We are just passing through it. We want to impact our world for God just like Kayli did. Our perspective will never be set on the mundane again. We have passed through the fire and it refines and changes you.
Lastly, we have learned how to keep running this life race with a limp. We no longer function like we used to. We are still learning a new way of doing this life without one of our members here with us. My mother lost her finger in an industrial accident many years ago. It is gone and never returning. She had to learn how to do everything different without the use of that index finger. I can remember her agony when the phantom pains would come and there was nothing she could do but buckle down and get through it. So it is for us. Thank you for your continued prayers for our family. Tears flow as remember the blessing of my beautiful daughter and best friend. I would like to offer you a way that you could honor Kayli's legacy and encourage our family. Here goes. Have a yes day. Lighten up and seek to be joyful. Say yes for the sake of saying yes to things. So many times we say no to something because it isn't convenient for us and it is easier to bail out than to dive in. Dive in. Say yes to your kids for no reason. Say yes to doing something random and crazy. Say yes to that person who has been wanting to get together that you have been avoiding. Be intentional like she was and last but not at all least...search your own heart to find out who Jesus is to you. You cannot hide the real you from Him. He already knows. All of us will walk the same mile that Kayli did one year ago tonight. No achievements you have on this earth will prepare you for that meeting. Awards and accolades are meaningless to God. He has one question. He wants to know one thing. Did you accept the free gift that I gave you and believe in my son Jesus? Look hard at your life tonight because God already has and He knows where you are at.
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