Tonight we had a family meeting. You know, that time where you gather everyone around to talk over some important stuff going on in the household? For us, it is kind of like a tune-up for our family to strengthen areas where we are weak and always strive to be better at this crazy thing called life. Anyhow, we were all accounted for, including Baxter, 3 adult cats, 6 kittens and the comfort of our fire pit we were seated around. It only took a moment to feel the hole...the giant place where Kayli should have been to bring her two cents to the conversation. And then it hit me. The reminders of 21 years gone by with her. The reminder why we do what we do in the first place. Spoiler alert-I am going to get real here and if you don't want to be challenged out of complacency, then shut this tab and stop reading now. This isn't going to be sappy and sentimental (even though tears flow as I write). No, this is going to be a challenge just like Kayli intended this blog to be to those who read it. So, here goes.
Shortly after Kayli passed away, I was given the gift of a book entitled, Holding on to Hope by Nancy Guthrie. What an excellent read for anyone dealing with the devastation of child loss. One of my giant take aways from the book was simple yet profound. Nancy asked the question, "What do you do when you receive a gift?" She then responded that you thank the gifter for what they gave to you. She reminded me, as a bereaved parent, to not just focus on all of the immediate and future losses that I am and would be experiencing predominately, but, to look back and thank God for the gift of my child. I had 21 years with my beautiful daughter and gained so many things from being her mom. I had to thank God for these. This totally helped me to navigate through the good and ugly days and remind myself of the gift of 21 years instead of the loss of maybe the next 50 years without her here. I am relaying this to you for a reason. During our family meeting tonight, it occurred to me again about what our purpose is as parents and what it is not. First of all, it is not about us. Our kids are not here to make us look good. Our kids are not here to fulfill all of our dreams and things that we didn't accomplish during our own growing up years. Our kids are not here just to burden us and make us crazy at moments. This list could go on and on for what they are not here for. They are here as a blessing-a gift if you will. As parents, we need to be intentional in the years that we have with them. You have 18 or so years to prepare them to live life on their own. What are you doing right now-today-to spur them towards that end? You don't get a do-over if you don't like the way they turned out. Stop just living for the day you are in and get a plan. Make the most of the days you have with them because you never know the number that that will be. Trust me on this because I know. I have had to hold two of my children while they transitioned between here and Heaven and it is the absolute hardest thing in the world to do. Don't squander your days focusing on your agenda and just doing enough to get by. Live on purpose with your family.
At Kayli's Celebration of life service, I had a number of people come up to me and give praise for what a wonderful job that Michael and I did raising our daughter. I was quick to correct them with this, "God has been so gracious to us in allowing us to grow our daughter's faith while making so many mistakes along the way. She was forgiving, and He was refining. For us, parenting really boils down to two things. First, point your kids to the cross every day...no amount of sports success, academic accolades, musical prowess...nothing, can prepare you for the moment that Kayli just had....meeting Jesus. There is only one thing and that is what kind of personal relationship they had with Christ while here. That is the only thing that mattered as Kayli's life here dimmed and her life in Heaven began. The second thing is this...love your family BIG! Celebrate the mundane, and never miss an opportunity to see the smallest of victories."
As our family meeting came to close, I thought of what Kayli may have interjected and it reminded me of the tremendous gift we have in the videos she left behind for us. So, I popped in the slide show from her Celebration service which is a compilation of songs that express who she was, pictures of the richness of her love and life and some snippets of some of the videos she filmed and that were filmed about her legacy. It made my heart soar to hear her voice and perspectives on things. It made me so proud to have been the Mom that got to walk alongside her during her life here. I hope you will be encouraged by watching her slide show and be reminded that your life is a story. Think about it...if your life was a series of photos, songs and videos, what would it say about how you lived? Decide today what your goal is for your family. What are you doing as a parent to make the most of the training years you have with your kids? Look down the corridor of time to who they will be when they are 18. You want the best for them for sure, but what are you doing now to get to them there? Even if they are now into adulthood, it is never too late to make changes. Be the example that you want them to follow. Be humble, apologize for shortcomings you may have had during their training years and come alongside them now. For us, success wasn't determined by the size of their bank account or how many degrees they had after their name. It was one thing. The ONE thing...their personal relationship to Jesus Christ and how they live their life reflecting Him to the world. I would encourage you to give your family a "tune-up". **Kayli's Celebration of Life Slide Show can be accessed by clicking the "Kayli's Videos" at the top of this page and scrolling down to the Slide show. It is such a great representation of who she was!